The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
