just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
