Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
