I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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