I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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