wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
