I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
