and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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