im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
