That's intense
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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