Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
