I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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