Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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