I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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