Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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