It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
