He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
