Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
