after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
