his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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