get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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