His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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