I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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