I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
