On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
