I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
