Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
