well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
