oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
