I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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