im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
