So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
