He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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