dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
