dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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