just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
