from now on my penis is your penis
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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