maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
