On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
