can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
