mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
