youre lurking in front of me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
