I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
