just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
