my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
