...so i touched it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
