I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
