I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
