you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
