i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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