You made me cry and you don't even care
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
